If Bibik Nyonya Was A Black Woman....

So i posted some u-toobs without writing a proper post. What....you think i'm lazy?! Why you judging me? Cozzz i'm blllaaaacck?!?!

Wrrr I do??! Wrr..wrr..wrrr I do??! Wrrrr I do??! Wrrr...wrrr..Wrrr I do?!?!

My Happy Family Portrait

Following on with the conversation between me and the unfortunate engineer whom i love driving up the wall so much....we had another episode only yesterday. So yesterday...we ended having up having me raving on my fetish for Lucy Liu again.

Me: I tell you a secret. My twin sister is actually Lucy Liu.

Chatter: *rolls eyes* What is it with you and Lucy Liu?!

Me: Oh we have the same eyes you know! Very exotic almond shape one. If wear eye shadow meletops kau. And we're both international actress also. Only that i'm better a bit. But i low profile mah...so she more femes a bit lor.

Chatter: *faints* Wh...why Lucy Liu???! There are plenty of other famous chinese actress also what. What about Gong Li? She's famous what.

Me: Not as femes as Lucy Liu lor.

Chatter: Eh she's huge in Europe okeh.

Me: Lucy Liu is huge EVERYWHERE. And she happens to be one of the best dressed celebrity in Hollywood, on par with dames like Cathrine Zeta Jones and Nicole Kidman you know. And she's chinese! Doesn't that make you feel proud a bit?

Chatter: Gong Li is chinese also what.

Me: Ya i like her also. Lucy Liu is my twin sister and Gong Li is our secret biological mother. That's why we so exotic.

Chatter: Arrrrgghhh!!!!! Why did i bring this up in the 1st place.....what was i thinking!

Me: Oh...and that Zhang Ziyi is the slut who stole Ken Watanabe away from me.

Chatter: Oh my god......what sin have i commited to deserve a friend like you.....ahhh!!!!! I'm getting a headache now!

Me: oh oh oh! I have another distant cousin who can help you also! She's not as pretty as me and Lucy Liu coz she's actually from Korea. But she's a very good doctor...can cure your headache.

Chatter: ?!?!?!?!!!

Me: Sandra Oh.

Chatter: Arrrrggghh!!!!! You know what i really better take a moment away from you before i smash the computer monitor.

Me: Ok lah ok lah dowan disturb you anymore lah. I dun wan to be responsible for your premature insanity wait. Very serious now okeh. I tell you bout my real family. I have an aunty from Ipoh.

Chatter: Finally! Ok...an aunty from Ipoh. So what about her? What's so good (or bad) about her?

Me: ...........Michelle Yeoh. Toooott. (cepat cepat offline)

How to Use an Autoclave

Wah suddenly Lau Niang so crever so intelectual ada hati want to teach everyone how to use an autoclave. Do you even know what an autoclave is?! What in gay hell is an autoclave? I learned this fancy word while chatting with a fellow engineer chatter whom i love driving him up the wall.

So today he was asking me what is this autoclave because he very admire my terror terror Engrish lor. He think i know everything mah. And yes...i DO know everything.

Chatter: Would you know what is an autoclave?

Bibik: Sure sure!!! So easy. An aotoclave.....is a clave that functions on its own lor. That's why we call it auto. Can you say auto? A-U-T-O....

Chatter: Go to hell lah you!

Bibik: Wahhh i can't believe you just said that. I did you a good favour out of my sincere heart and you condemn me to hell after that. So much for friendship.....

Chatter: ................you dun so drama can ah?

Bibik: Oh i am so hurt.......the pain.......

Chatter: I found out already. An autoclave is a pressurized device designed to heat aqueous solutions above their boiling point at normal atmospheric pressure to achieve sterilization. Sort of like a pressure cooker.

Bibik: .......oh that's nice. What else can it cook?

Chatter: ..........no it doesn't cook. Its an industrial device.

Bibik: Ceh......then buy for what. Cannot cook anything also. So lau yah one....

Chatter: *faints* Its not for cooking. Its for sterilizing purposes! Autoclaves are widely used in microbiology, medicine, sterilizing instruments for body piercing, veterinary science, dentistry, podiatry and metallurgy. The large carbon-fiber composite parts for the Boeing 787, such as wing and fuselage parts, are cured in large autoclaves.

Bibik: So this new job you wanna apply.....is just to on autoclaves only lah?

Chatter: Dunno yet lah

Bibik: you need to actually hire a person just to do that only meh? I thougth its like microwave you just put the tool in the press on button lor no meh. They're all the same only mah all this wave wave machines.

Chatter: *faints* need to do more than that lah!

Bibik: I know i know! Maybe you'll have TEN autoclaves to manage. Then people would call you "the autoclaver" hor.

Chatter: .....................

Bibik: then when you successfully autoclaved things for them oledi, they would say " Wah tq tq.....so claver lah you!"

Chatter: Different tune......cannot discuss anymore.

Bibik: ha ha ha hahhaah!! you know me lah, i is actress glamer, if i dunno anything i ma write my own script lor. Wait ah this is so fun i wanna blog it! Babai!

Chatter: but......

Bibik: [tooot...terus offline]