Thursday, July 17, 2008

I Slept With My Best Friend's Man

Donch you fucking dare judge me. I did it for a super selfless noble cause okeh. And i only slept with him....figuratively. Not literally okeh. Come closer to the monitor and start looking like a fool. I want to tell you a secret. Secretnya ialah....Perky is a skanky ho. SHHHH!!!!!!!!!! You dinch hear this from me okeh....Shh! Shh!

Ya....she really is. You see, she keeps guy(s) in her home for business(?), pleasure(?), a pet(?)...i'll never know.

Anyways, what happens if daddy drops by for a surprise visit? Where do you chuck your guy(s)? your girlfriend's home right upstairs only of course! How convenient.

Yes people....for the love of a sistah i have to share my porn-scaterred-everywhere, pink-feather-boa-on-the-loose rainbow gay home with a straight man. I have to go to bed knowing there's a straight man next door. Do you know how trauma is that? Lau niang trauma okeh!

And this is no ordinary regular straight man i tell you. the very same straight man who walked up into my car....and fucking threw a damn live prawn at me. MOVING LIVE ONES!!!! has anyone threw a live prawn at your face? Do you know what is it like?

Why would someone do such a holigible vegitable thing right?? Why?? Just because he's jealous of my power duet with Mama Diva. Dia macam Celine Dion duet ngan Whitney Houston okeh. And he's anti Ning Baizura. Mama Diva screamed his brown ass off; making pepople think there's a gang rape going on inside the car okeh. Meletops satu KL okeh....

So memorable hor.....

And so for the love of a best friend, I let him into my house with open arms. At night when i sleeping in bed, i have so many ideas to get back at him.

I thought of waiting him to fall asleep and then i'll paint his face like Barbie Fairytopia. With permanent ink. But I didn't.

I wanted to paint permanent unremovable pink nail polish on his toes and nails. But i didn't.

I wanted to dress him up with fish net stocking and pink feather boa and post the pics here and at malaysiakini. But i didn't.

Coz i'm a noble, selfless, forgiving, kind hearted good friend okeh. You'll never find another friend who would gladly let your guy to bunk in during emergencies...and secretly blogs about it....and demands a week of free dinner after that.

Matilah merk kena main pindah randah like nomad cari lubang gua to stay in. Perky's so gonna hunt my skinny ass down after this.

If you want to find me after this, my new address is inside Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup, tengah tengah hutan puaka atas puncak Gunung Everest di tengah tengah Mozambique. And i'll be guarding my new rock with Ogres, Rotweillers.......and prawns.